Friday, 18 July 2008

• 10 Reasons to Get Knocked Up

  
  No, I am not pregnant. No, we are not trying to conceive. And no, we do not plan on having a kid any time within the next 6 years.

  In fact, I am absolutely terrified by the idea of having a parasite suck the youth out of my body for 9 months and then suck the joy out of my life for the next 18 to 22 years.

  But.. in honor of my first friend's pregnancy, I came up with 10 reasons to have a baby. (This one's for you! Can't wait to see your belly this weekend. )

  

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  10.  PREGNANCY IS IN

  Hey, everyone else is doing it. Celebrities are showing off their baby bumps. Xanga now powers a Momaroo blogsite. Even teenage pregnancy has gone mainstream. (Thanks Juno and Jamie!)

  9.  BIG BOOBS

  Up to 2 cups bigger!

  "I mean, your boobs are gonna be big. And then they're gonna be, like, scary big. But then they'll go down. And then.. they'll stay down." ~ from Knocked Up

  8.  BREASTFEEDING

  Not only do your boobs naturally get bigger, but you're also legally allowed to whip them out and show them off in public. (I am totally going to take advantage of this and nurse in public)

  Your breasts can also double (quadruple?) as super-soakers to attack unsuspecting family members.

  
  MS Paint Image credit: Sofichan

  7.  POST-PREGNANCY BODY

  If you don't lose the baby weight :  It's okay! You had a kid. It's a perfectly legitimate excuse.

  If you do bounce back:  Congrats, hot stuff! You're officially a MILF.

  6.  MAKES THE PARENTS & IN-LAWS HAPPY

  Your parents and in-laws will finally stop bugging you about having kids. Hopefully, they'll move on to something else. Like spoiling their grandkids. Or, even better, telling you how you should raise them.

  5.  T.M.I. BONDING

  There's no such thing as TMI (too much information) when you're preggers. You just can't talk about pregnancy with your friends without talking about bodily functions and reproductive organs.

  There's nothing like female bonding over a delightful conversation about urinary frequency, episiotomy horror stories, and perineal massage.

   

  4.  SEE YOUR GENES IN ACTION

  Satisfy your narcissism by seeing the product of your genes. If your kid turns out great, then you can pat yourself on the back. If the kid's not so great, you always have the other half of the zygote to blame.

  Derek is convinced that he has "tall genes within him" but somehow wasn't able to reach his full height potential because he spent the first decade of his life as a malnutritioned kid in China. (He's 5'7") If he has a tall kid, he'll finally be able to prove that he himself could have been taller if not for the lack of Western nutrients like bovine growth hormone in milk.

  As for myself, I've often wondered if my long lashes (for an Asian girl) are due to nature or nurture. My Aunt actually clipped off my eyelashes when I was a baby so that they'd grow back longer and thicker. I've always wondered if this trick really worked or not.

  3.  FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF

  Raising (small) kids is an instant ego-booster. They're so easy to amuse and please. You could dangle keys in front of them or make bubbly sounds with your lips and they'll think you're the coolest person ever. (Of course, if you try the same antics with your adult friends, they may not be as impressed..)

  You also get to laugh at the stupid things your kids do.

     

  2.  GET TO BE A KID AGAIN

  If you have kids, then it's socially acceptable to be a kid again! Relive the good ol' days again or live out the dream childhood you never had. It's okay to play with action figures and watch Dora The Explorer because you're doing it for your kids.

  

  1.  CHILD LABOR

  Where can I order one of these?! Please advise!

  

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  Clearly, I'm not ready to have kids... yet. Maybe it'll seem more appealing to me some day in the future... I'll wait and see how my friends' kids turn out before I decide whether or not I want my own.

  What about you? How do you feel about raising kids? (Doesn't have to be your own. Adoption and surrogacy are cool too.) Are you: looking forward to it/ dreading it/ not planning on having any/ not sure?

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